Top positive review
104 people found this helpful
More Violence, Speed, and Momentum than any shirt in the world
on July 6, 2018
I used to be a chubby-cheeked, blonde-banged, gum-flapping, pigeon-toed little punk kid. Then I bought this shirt. My life immediately changed, I experienced unending amounts of violence, speed, and momentum. 2-inch long hair grew on my chest. A giant super poisonous Ethiopian caterpillar crawled onto my face and attached itself. Gin and tonics flow freely. My biceps tripled in size. Black steel drips down my shoulders into a bulletproof mullet. Women throw themselves at me. I started winning trophies, certificates, medallions, plaques, and every award you can think of.
In short, buy this shirt if you want to be the most athletic specimen in your neighborhood.